Happiness is a wily bitch

do what it says

do what it says

Waiting for the car to get fixed today, I played with the only toys in the joint. These happened to be the first letters I put on the board 😀

Sometimes I find it frustrating when people say happiness is a choice.

The decision to TRY to be happy and try to stay positive, that's certainly a choice. But happiness is a wily bitch. Happiness is simple yet difficult, complex but uncomplicated. I believe happiness is not so much a way of being, but a state of mind. I consider myself a happy person, yet melancholy is my middle name (it’s actually Jane). I have dealt with depression my whole life, with long bouts of apathy and heartache. I think my happiness comes from my attitude, my decision to stay optimistic and not give up. To not wallow in my depths for too long without leaving the door open for the unadulterated contentment that's available to me. So is happiness a choice? I don't know. It's been my experience that happiness is often happenstance, a RESULT of choices I make, conscious or otherwise. I've felt absolute pure happiness, but when I chase that dragon like a high, I find it always seems out of my reach. When I stop forcing myself to feel happy and just start to pay attention to the pockets of calm, I see the joys all around me. Even on the worst days, I try to be grateful for the moments of bliss, and keep perspective. That's when I feel lucky to see that happiness lurks around even the darkest corners. It's ok to embrace our sadness, just don't get too comfortable there. If we decide that happiness is something we can intimately know, we are opening ourselves to it. Try not to give up on that big annoying yellow smiley face that's often taunting you 😀

I really don’t need shiny happy people telling how to be shiny and happy, but I do want to be shiny and happy so it’s complicated and now I’m tired.